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Or is that just an excuse for my immoral behaviour? Do I believe my own lies in order to really deceive others more skilfully? I’m having a mid-life crisis. Fack. My whole life has been a facking crisis: c***dhood anxiety giving way to teenage angst. I pick up a copy of The Daily Sport which a passenger has given me from the day before. I read the ‘massage’ ads. One stands out: Blonde 21 year old with tanned 36-24-36 figure, Bournemouth. I ring the number. She’s working today. I know it’s illicit… and that’s what makes it exciting. What if I get caught? I ask myself… think of the shame. You won’t get caught… it’ll be fun! I’m in a dilemma. I toss a coin – tails. I go. I catch a bus to Yarmouth, a ferry to Lymington and two trains to Bournemouth. A group of school c***dren board the train. I imagine them singing: We know where you’re going, we know where you’re going!’ I get a grip of myself. I get closer to my dirty destination. My excitement… and anxiety increase. What if I suffer a. Antia, Julie and I would leave together, and the rest of the crew would slowly trickle away. If we ever found a safe place where we could all be together again, we would contact each other with a code word and coordinates to the new refuge.I had become jaded during that time, and I felt that if rich people wanted - no, demanded - my attention, then they can jolly well pay for it. At the start I wouldn’t accept any financial reward for my gift - it was enough just to bring peace and health back into someone else’s life. By the end, I was getting angry at the entitled rich, so I would simply demand higher and higher “fees”, just to see how much these snobs were really willing to pay. Turns out, quite a lot.We setup a Swiss bank account, and regularly transferred the money we received into it. It wasn’t long before we knew we would be set for life, and didn’t have to worry about work ever again. It was at that point we decided to “disappear”.Being on the move didn’t appeal to me. It was.
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